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Breaking Dawn In a Nutshell by ~Gigglish:iconGigglish:

Categories Fan Art > Cartoons/Comics > Digital > Books/Novels

©2008-2009 ~Gigglish
:icongigglish:

Artist's Comments


EDIT: Ack. Sorry, but I don't think I'll be responding to comments on the comics anymore unless it really picks up my interest XD it takes up WAAAYYY too much of my time to do so. Lul. I feel kinda bad, though - everyone deserves a response XD

----
Um... WOW.

So, everyone knows that I hate the Twilight series, right? Well, I LOVE Breaking Dawn! Why? BECAUSE A BUNCH OF TWILIGHT FANS REALIZED THAT THE SERIES WAS HORRIBLE THANKS TO THIS THING. Was it really so horrible? Why, yes, it was!

To start off, the sex. Ah, yes, ever since book one Edward and Bella have had the words -SEXUAL TENSION- rolling off of them. In Eclipse, Bella was incredibly horny and just plain asking for it. In Breaking Dawn, that moment finally arrives. And guess what? Apparently, the sex was so amazing that Bella didn't even realize that Edward was BEATING HER UP while they were in bed. He BIT A PILLOW and TORE IT TO SHREDS. He DESTROYED A HEADBOARD. Both during intercourse. And gosh, there's just so much of it throughout the book. However, to keep it just child friendly enough, Bella completely just blacks out, and the reader gets no smut. Yeesh, that's the least you could give us, Mrs. Meyer! My friend (haha, guess who 8D) said that the book would have been better off as a porno. I wholeheartedly agree, since it would have been better than the senseless drivel we're left with.

So, while still on the topic of sex, let's talk about how Bella gets preggo. Er, wait, what? Edward's DEAD. Well, okay, un-dead, but there's hardly a difference. He shouldn't be able to have living sperm. Therefore, he shouldn't be able to freaking inseminate someone with one-hundred-plus-year-old sperm. But, somehow, he did. THIS IS BREAKING THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE STEPH CREATED, REALLY. And then how Bella gives birth. So, if Edward wasn't there, the baby would have just killed her internally and then chewed its way out. Mmhmm. But the baby's daddy was there, so he decides to give his wife a Cesarian Section with his TEETH, since apparently that's the only thing that can get through to the damn baby. Three words: WHAT. THE. FUCK. That is probably one of the most twisted and disgusting things I have ever imagined (and you all know that I'm pretty twisted, I'm sure).

Okay, so the baby's out and momma's just barely clinging onto life. She names it Renesmee. See, I won't even go there. I think everyone agrees, for the most part, that that is quite possibly the stupidest name ever conceived.

So. This thing, the demon spawn, Nessie, somehow grows at super speed and has this amazing power to show people what she's thinking. Riiiggghhhtt. Then Jacob (oh my god, Jacob...) just HAPPENS to imprint on Bella's daughter. This is, like, the worst fanfic ever. Maybe worse than My Immortal. Renesmee, the Mary-Sue OC was created so that Jacob had someone perfect to end up with, even though there were still plenty of other female characters left (ahem, LEAH, but I'll get to that later). And by the time she's seven she'll be able to screw lover boy. How lovely.

There's this giant part of the "novel" that's basically everyone being happy, Nessie growing at light speed, Bella being absolutely perfect, and Edward and his new wifey have sex every night. Yeah, not much to go on about here.

And then to the conflict. Wait- what conflict? THERE IS NO "CONFLICT" OF WHICH YOU SPEAK. Sure, the Volturi come. This opens the door to a boat load of new characters. Alice and Jazz run away together. They prepare for this humongous fight, and Bella gets forged papers so that Jake and Nessie can escape. So, all of the Volturi come. Aro is as queer as ever (not that that's bad, I don't mean to offend anyone 8D) and his guard surrounds him. So then they talk with the Cullens and the huge army of new vampires. Jane and Alec attack, BUT OH, LOOK, BELLA'S GIANT SHIELD IS THERE TO PROTECT EVERYONE. HUZZAH. There is no fight. Then Alice and Jasper come back with another half-and-half and all is well with the world. Shittiest "fight" ever, if you ask me.

It's a shame, though. Breaking Dawn had potential. I especially liked Jacob's point of view and that one quote: 'Life sucks, then you die' Yeah, I should be so lucky. (pg 143). There were funny parts. And then there were also a ton of characters introduced that I could have liked. Garrett was nice, though his speech was boring and cliche. Benjamin could have been so cool, if it weren't for the fact that he was just so powerful. I liked the new relationships introduced, specifically Garrett/Kate and Benjamin/Tia (Haha, notice how it's the two new guys that I like and the girlies who could be their mates. And I liked the way Garrett told Kate he loved her 8D).

And then it's the part that I think I hated the most: Leah.

No, I didn't hate Leah. I loved her in the book, actually. BUT DAMN IT, JAKE. YOU IDIOT. WHY DID YOU IMPRINT ON THAT STUPID DEMON SPAWN? Really. He could have had a HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH LEAH. She had this whole plan mapped out, where the two would wallow in their angst together. He would be a wolf or do whatever else he wanted and, like she said, she would go to a local community college and learn to get her issues under control. It would have been so sweet, them as a pack of two.

Screw this. I hate talking about that book.

--

Bleh, disclaimer's above. I'm too lazy. The book sucked, end of story.

Comments


:iconrobinlynn:
~RobinLynn Aug 21, 2008, 2:39:24 PM
I can't believe I was actually semi-excited to read this book. The rants and such I've seen already are enough to make any once-fan die.

Love the comic, though. xD Haven't read the book, but from what I've heard, you've hit it dead on.
:icongigglish:
~Gigglish Aug 21, 2008, 2:39:47 PM
Hahaha, first comment 8D

--
Nyoro~

You zetta sons of digits!
Make Ninja Airier
:icongigglish:
~Gigglish Aug 21, 2008, 2:40:23 PM
D: Psh, I missed.

--
Nyoro~

You zetta sons of digits!
Make Ninja Airier
:icongigglish:
~Gigglish Aug 21, 2008, 2:42:20 PM
Ha, I was excited to read it too, once upon a time. I remember when we all thought that the "saga" would be 6 books long and I was so excited D:

Thanks you :3 I actually do a pretty poor job of explaining; Encyclopedia Dramatica has got it perfect 8D

--
Nyoro~

You zetta sons of digits!
Make Ninja Airier
:iconshadowed-opheliac:
~shadowed-opheliac Aug 21, 2008, 2:58:00 PM
every word you write is so true! and there was no plot at all!!! but no0o0o0o little miss pokeable fatness didn't love her sons enough so she had to make a fictional daughter! now, because of her biological clock bursting into flames, edward and bella have a demon spawn child that has a pedophile relationship with a guy that wanted to sleep with her mom... poor kid. don't get me started on rosalie! she was willing to let slutty miss slut slut bella die for some demon spawn that could have destroyed all humanity if it got too cranky. but that was okay since rosalie would FINALLY have a demon spawn of her own... now isn't that just sweet? the only people who made sense in the damn book, maybe even the series, were emmett and jasper! emmett is a sexy beast with an unlimited amount of sex jokes and jasper can just kick ass with all his awesomeness!

but anyway... i like this version of breaking dawn better... plus it didn't waste 4 days of my life...

--
Zero tolerance for lactose intolerance
:iconburningscream:
~BurningScream Aug 21, 2008, 3:00:12 PM
xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Pedowulf!

XD

[link]!
XD

--
FACT:I love HP&Twilight-different&awsome-BOTH

Join: ~TheHostClub *-*
:icongigglish:
~Gigglish Aug 21, 2008, 3:08:36 PM
I ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH </lie>

The "plot" was Bella's pregnancy. It swallowed the WHOLE. DAMN. BOOK. Psh, Stephenie Meyer also (obviously) wishes that Edward was her husband, because he's just so perfect. Rosalie was just... AUGH. She was annoying and almost as much of a brat as Bella in Breaking Dawn, which SUCKS since I actually liked her in Eclipse. And New Moon. Who cares about the spawn? If I were Bella, I would have gotten an abortion. Seriously. And I'm pretty pro-life -.-

Emmett was too much of that brawny-jock-ditzy-older-brother-who-makes-sex-jokes stereotype. You know that kind.

Jasper was just amazing since he's Jasper. And he seems a lot nicer than all the other guys (species aside).

--
Nyoro~

You zetta sons of digits!
Make Ninja Airier
:icongigglish:
~Gigglish Aug 21, 2008, 3:10:29 PM
8D Glad to make you laugh.

I think I should have made Pedobear into a wolf just for this occasion XD

--
Nyoro~

You zetta sons of digits!
Make Ninja Airier
:iconalan497411:
~Alan497411 Aug 21, 2008, 3:34:39 PM
NO SPERM FOR EDWARD!?!?!?!?....HTF did Bella get Prego????.... (i says spppperm bank!!!) :lmao:
tis gewd!! :D shall add to favs.!!! :+fav:

--
I R SNEEKY SNAKE! :ohnoes:
...AND U R DEAD :dead:
:tombstone: "here lies whoever-the-hell is reading this"
:icongigglish:
~Gigglish Aug 21, 2008, 3:38:14 PM
HUZZAH. I have no idea - he should be DEAD 8D

Sankyuu, Alan.

--
Nyoro~

You zetta sons of digits!
Make Ninja Airier
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